Mind blown, whats going to happen next amazing cliffhangers are an awesome way to keep people interested so congratulations I'm hooked. You are so original to come up with this kind of story line. I am astounded at your art it looks amazing, each of the charters look how they are supposed to which is great. I love how the speech bubbles are color coded so you can tell who is talking. The face expressions are fantastic they capture the charters and give them their rightful personalty. It's nice to see you kind of started in the middle so people not only want to find out what happens next but also what lead up to this. All and all its really good and I look forward to the next part.
I do think that this story has been put together well so far but I did happen to notice a mistake in the drawing. Pinkie Pie's head is just a tad deformed. Other than that I think this is amazing. And I'm going to figure out why Apple Jack is counting. And I hate seeing Flutter Shy crying. Even thought she does that a lot. It makes me want to cry. This story is beautiful and I will continue on reading the rest so far. Happy drawing!
I'm Maximiuz2002, and I approve this critique. (Put together by the association that made my keyboard, so I could type this.)